Yaoi University
by Arigatomina
Summary: Yaoi, Yuri, crossover schoolfic, humor. Mukuro and Shizuru are opening a new school for young bishonen to learn how to be the perfect yaoi couples. And refusal is not an option.


Author's Notes: This fic was inspired by the 'Harry Potter' books, and some of the cliché schoolfic comedies involving multiple anime characters attending school together. It's also inspired by my 'Seme Seminar' fic, 'Dark Tournament,' and my old GW parody 'Yaoi Fanfiction.' It's intended to be a funny lemonish 'parody' type fic, but it remains a 'school fic' more than anything.  
  
Chaptering: I'm going to separate the first few parts according to anime - and future parts (lemons, character scenes) will be separated if they only feature one specific anime. So if you just want to follow certain anime characters, note the add-ons for each part.  
  
Category: Anime, Yaoi, crossover, parody, AU (sort of)  
  
Warnings: shonen ai, limish content, humor, assumed yuri/shoujo ai, language, violence  
  
Yaoi University  
  
Part 1: Mandatory Attendance (YYH)  
  
Invitations would have been the politest way to spread the word, and it would have been so much easier. Just a quick copy of the letters, sending them out to each of the would-be 'students' and then sit back and wait for them to arrive on their own. But that would never happen. First, few of the people invited were the types who would come willingly, especially if the letters explained why they were wanted, and what they were to be learning. And then there was the matter of getting them there. They were going for the people with the best potential to excel in the courses, the ones for whom the learning would be most beneficial, and the ones who really really needed to learn a thing or two being taught in the classes. And among these people, there were a lot of dimensions to visit, a lot of time shifts and boundary crossings. Even if everyone would be willing to come on their own, very few would have a way to do it. Heck, even the few in the same dimension as the school were the sort who would have to be drug kicking and screaming through the entrance. Well, maybe not screaming, but kicking and biting and ranting and threatening to burn things sounded about right.  
  
So instead of invitations, she'd decided to just go get them herself. It wasn't as if she didn't have the connections, or flunkies to do it for her. She just thought it would be nice to see the students in person before dragging them to her new facility. And her vice principle agreed to go along, so it was almost like a simple vacation before the new term. If what her lover had told her about human schools was true, then it would be fine. She'd head out, round them up two at a time, or six in at least one case, and just send them on to the school. Her flunkies could see to it that they stayed there until she got them all. And hopefully the fox would keep her heir from burning the place down in her absence. So really, all that was left was to go get the students.  
  
With a characteristic smirk, she set out, her tall vice principle at her side. And the first stop was Yomi's home. While the older demon was far too knowing of the subjects to be a student, he'd agreed to help in some of the classes, and to help find her heir. The rotten half-koorime had bolted the moment he learned what she was planning. That was just like him. Of course, Yomi was only helping because it gave him a chance to see the fox in action, but that was really besides the point. She stopped off there, picked Yomi up in her little caravan of two - now three, and headed for the Ningenkai. As she'd suspected, her heir had hightailed it right across the boarders. Like she'd really let a few angry Spirit World gods stop her. And with Yomi along, most of the Rekai soldiers bolted the second they laid eyes on them. It was a little annoying, but her vice principal seemed to get a kick out if it, so that was something. She did like to keep her lover amused.  
  
It was easier than she'd thought, finding her heir. He was right where she planned to have him most often, near the fox. And as luck would have it, two of the other soon-to-be-students were with them. Excellent. Now she just had to go into the human house and drag them out.  
  
+ + + + +  
  
Hiei reacted first, just an odd tingle moving down his back that made him look around with narrow red eyes. Kurama was next, his head jerking a bit as if his ears wanted to twitch at some unheard sound. Yusuke and Kuwabara were already drunker than sin, so they merely blinked large eyes at their two silent friends. Unlike the demons, they'd been effected quite a bit by the alcohol they'd drank, it being a party and all. They were so out of it they probably wouldn't have noticed a thing if the girls hadn't all fallen over at the same time.  
  
  
  
Yukina landed in the ever-quick Hiei's arms, her brother having darted to her the second she tilted back. Botan fell on Yusuke, knocking the boy face first into a bowl of rice he'd been trying to pick at between swigs of his sake. Keiko, who'd been sitting beside him, fell over into Kuwabara's lap, causing the orange-haired teen to squeal in agony at the thought that she was trying to steal his manhood from Yukina. And Kurama, ever the calm youko, twitched in surprise before turning to answer the soft knocks on the door. He must have been at least a little drunk, because he smiled at the visitor and waved her in, not noticing the two shadows behind her.  
  
Shizuru grinned. "How nice of you to invite us in, Kurama-kun," she said. The redhead blinked at her, but she brushed him aside so her two companions could enter as well. And since the fox had been so polite to her, she didn't laugh *too* loudly when he fell over at the sight of a smirking Mukuro and a beaming Yomi.  
  
Hiei flinched at the impact of the tall redhead on the hard floor, but he shuddered at the sight of his liege. "No..."  
  
"Oh, yes," Mukuro sniffed. She crossed the room to tower over the occupied Hiei, not minding the sleeping girl in his arms. "Did you really think you could get out of it so easily? As my heir, I expect you to be the best student in the school. Though you may have some competition once things get started. Still, you must strive to uphold our standing. What would it look like if my own heir fell behind the others?"  
  
The little black-haired demon was shivering, his wide eyes impossibly large in his pale face. "No, no-no-no!"  
  
Having spared his threatened manhood from Keiko's sudden face-first drop, Kuwabara scrambled to his feet. "What's wrong with Yukina-sama?!" he shrieked. He barreled past Mukuro, nearly sending the small demon woman right onto Yusuke. At least it made the black-haired human lift his head out of the rice bowl.  
  
"Eh...what happened...?" Yusuke scowled for a second, clumps of rise sticking to his face, then he threw a shaking hand out to point at Yomi. "A~ah! What are *you* doing in my house?!"  
  
"Whose house?!" Kurama popped up at the boy's scream, indignant at the drunken mistake. And he remembered the tall demon standing next to him. With wide eyes, he slowly inched away before climbing to his feet. "Ah...what brings you here?"  
  
Mukuro, who'd managed to get her heir away from his sister, sniffed over at the fox. "The four of you are going to enroll in my new school. So we're here to get you." A still, shivering fire demon whimpered next to her. Hiei barely even struggled, still mumbling his repeated 'no'.  
  
"Eh?!" Kuwabara jerked upright, staring at the odd-looking female in outrage. "I'm not going to another school! I already go to school! Well...I don't really go to it, but still! I already have a school!"  
  
"Yeah!" Yusuke yelled. He wavered a bit as he got to his feet, but managed not to fall over. "And what are you doing with a school anyway? Demons don't go to school!"  
  
"Eh-hem."  
  
Yusuke blinked, glancing back to where Kurama was raising an eyebrow at him. "You don't count," he muttered quickly. "You live here, so you have to go to school."  
  
"Why don't you four argue on the way. We have a lot of people to get in the next few days." All eyes turned to her, and Shizuru gave a smug smile. "I'm sure you'll love the school."  
  
Kuwabara's eyes grew huge and he fell onto his butt, screaming loudly enough to shake the ceiling. "G-g-ghost!!" He gibbered for nearly a minute before his sister slammed a fist over his head to shut him up.  
  
"I'm not a ghost, you idiot. I've just been out for a few months. Jeeze, I leave and you think I died? I do have a social life, you know, unlike *some* idiots who waste their time simpering over a-sexual ice maidens." The boy's face turned red, but she just hit him again. "Now be quiet and I'll let Yomi drag you instead of kicking your butt all the way to the Makai."  
  
"M-makai?! I'm not going back to that-"  
  
A loud thump shook the room and silence was restored. Shizuru brushed her hands off and winked at Mukuro. "I told you he'd be easy."  
  
"So you did," Mukuro drawled. Her heir was edging away and she yanked on Hiei's black cloak, jerking him beside her again. "Stop fidgeting or I'll knock you out and let Yomi drag you as well."  
  
"Yomi is not touching Hiei!" Kurama paled a bit when everyone turned to stare at him. "I mean...um..."  
  
Shizuru laughed, patting him on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Kurama-kun. That attitude is going to make you the head of your 'Possessive Control' class, for sure." Very wide green eyes turned on her, and she grinned. "You're a natural."  
  
"Wh...what class did you say?" Kurama said slowly, his voice very soft. "Exactly what sort of school is this?"  
  
"Evil! I'll never do it! I'll kill you, woman!"  
  
Yep, Hiei had snapped.  
  
Where a minute ago he'd been cowering at Mukuro's side, the demon now showed his true colors, black. Heat fogged the room, dark flames rushing up over his arms and he jerked his sword free in less than a second. Then he launched himself at Mukuro. She blinked and dodged.  
  
"I told you already," Hiei ranted, making another swipe at her. "I'm not your heir! You've gone psycho! Insane! I'll never do it!" A hand slipped over his shoulder, and he gulped as something soft and wet was pressed to his face. "Mmrlfthmhph!"  
  
It was Kurama's turn to flinch at the impact Hiei made when he hit the floor. Luckily, the little fire demon didn't weigh as much, so the windows barely shook at all. "Hiei...?"  
  
"Chloroform," Shizuru smiled, holding up the damp rag. "I figured it would be the quickest way to knock him out without destroying your house. After all, you'll need somewhere to live together after you graduate."  
  
Yusuke, who'd gotten tired of kicking the downed Kuwabara, frowned and looked up at his friend's sister. "Why would we go to some school? And why would *they*," he pointed at Mukuro and then Yomi, "be here to get us for it. And since when were you guys working *together*?!" The two demon lords looked at each other and blinked.  
  
"Well," Mukuro said, turning to give Yusuke a disapproving frown, "you shouldn't question your principal. And Yomi is going to be one of your teachers, so you'll have to show him respect as well." She gave a quick glance to Shizuru and smirked when the girl nodded. Luckily her new lover had told her all about human schools, so she'd modeled her own after the girl's advice. "Now, then. You can drag your friend if you like, or we can knock you out and carry you as well."  
  
Yusuke blinked. "I'm not going."  
  
"Of course you are," Shizuru said. She rolled her eyebrows and gave the boy a sharp shove that nearly toppled him. He'd definitely drunk a little too much. "Either you come quietly, or you get knocked out. Pick one."  
  
"But..."  
  
Kurama's sudden movement interrupted him as the fox jumped across the room. "Touch him and die!" Everyone turned again, and Kurama sweatdropped, red flushing his face. But he didn't budge from where he'd landed between Yomi and Hiei. "You are not carrying him," he glared. The man raised an eyebrow at him, and his face turned a mixture of angry red and embarrassed pink. "I mean it."  
  
"I told you," Shizuru smirked, throwing an arm around Mukuro's shoulders. "Kurama has the 'Possessive Control' down pat. And that's without any training at all." Her eyes narrowed a bit and she dropped her voice. "He's always been a bit of a teacher's pet, perfect at everything. We'll have to keep an eye on him with the other students in case there's some jealousy."  
  
"Yes," Mukuro nodded, frowning a bit. "I see." Yomi caught her eye, the tall demon jerking his head toward Kurama and Hiei. "Right," Mukuro said sharply. "Kurama, you can carry him if you're so determined. Yomi, if you'd grab the big one-"  
  
"Just call him the Baka," Shizuru smiled, "everyone does."  
  
"All right, grab the Baka, and Yusuke can walk if he's willing to cooperate. Otherwise I'll drag him by his feet." Big dark eyes blinked at her and she nodded. "I think you'd rather walk, wouldn't you."  
  
"But - I..." Yusuke turned pleading confused eyes on Kurama, but the redhead was lifting Hiei, seeming to be very careful about how he did it, and completely ignoring him. Yomi was smirking, Shizuru was smirking, and Mukuro was raising an eyebrow at him. "Eh...fine. Let me grab my sake."  
  
He had to shift Botan to the side to get the drink, and he remembered suddenly, his back going straight. "Wait-a-sec! What about the girls? They'll think we just disappeared. We can't just-"  
  
"Don't worry about that," Mukuro said. "They and your families will be notified. You can see them after you've completed the term. Now let's go. I'll send your partners to join you in a day or so."  
  
"Partners?" Yusuke asked. He took a swig of his sake jug and blinked down at the short woman, walking beside her. "Like study partners? I figured Kuwa-"  
  
"Oh, no," Shizuru smiled, "You can't partner with Kazuma. I'm afraid I have someone else in mind for that, a certain little blonde he was quite fond of. Your partner hasn't really been decided yet, but I'm sure you'll find a few to suit you. Don't worry, we'll send them over to join you at the school in a day or so. We have a lot of students to pick up."  
  
"Like who?" Yusuke asked, blinking up at her. Kurama and Yomi were ahead of them now, along with their burdens, so he was in the middle of Mukuro and Shizuru.  
  
"Most of them you won't know," Shizuru said. "But I have a few in the list you should recognize. We're hoping to have Jin there by tomorrow."  
  
"Jin?! He's going to a school?!"  
  
"Sure," Shizuru shrugged. "He has as much to learn as Hiei does. Though I'm sure he'll get more out of the 'Hyperactive Persuasion' course than Hiei will."  
  
"Hyper-what?" Yusuke blinked in confusion, frowning when the girl patted his head.  
  
"Don't you worry about it," Shizuru said. "You'll learn all about the schedules once we get the students together."  
  
* * *  
  
TBC  
  
--notes--  
  
Next up, Part 2a: Modern History (Gundam Wing) 


End file.
